Not A Damsel In Distress
by Randomus Prime
Summary: More than lovers roam the night, as Tracks finds out the hard way, but in the end all roads lead to our beloved. Fluffy crack, non-fluffy slash, crazy techno-organics and heavenly showers.


_**Not A Damsel In Distress**_

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><p><strong>Author's Foreword<strong>

**As you may or may not know, C.M.D. and me bounce ideas off each other and talk a lot about random stuff. A lot of that random stuff turned into fanfics, how? Well, it is mostly for me because I would randomly begin on into some sort of a scene or an image in my head and sooner or later C.M.D. would convince me to write a fanfic about it ... and I do! It is really fun actually! It gets quite challenging and fun!**

**This one is just for laughs, kinda like an extension of sorts to some of C.M.D.'s Easter fics about those two in TFA universe.**

**Originally I thought it to be this:**

**Blackarachnia kidnaps poor Tracks and Soundwave comes to heroically save the damsel in distress as he valiantly battled the vile techno-organic ... but after thinking or a while I decided not to do that and this came out instead!**

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><p>"Hm, maybe this organic planet is not that ho…" Tracks accidentally stepped into something mushy and sticky. "Oh, dear! I am tired of cleaning myself every few minutes! I hate this planet!"<p>

The tricolor didn't really mean that because Soundwave was on this planet. The few, sinful interactions they had was more than enough to place the Decepticon in the most fanciful spot in the Autobot's mind.

"… but you said you will come to the beach with us!" Sari and Bumblebee walked up to him.

"Yeah! Plus, I have been here for over a year and see?" The yellow mech made a few quick turns showing off his body.

"Yes, I see, you have gained some horrible tastes here!"

"Excuse me?"

"Say what?

"Oh, dear, am I also destined to lose whatever standards I have and …"

"Hey, that's not nice!"

"Yeah! Just because you think this is all 'low standard' and 'grotesque' doesn't mean that it is bad!"

"Oh, my dearies, you are so young …"

"Well, maybe if you grew up a bit from being a pretty little princess you could take time and learn something for once!"

"Oh, sweetie, I am learning!"

"Really?"

"Yes! I am looking at you and learning what not to do with my life!"

"Hey! That was mean! You should apologize!"

"You! You! YOU!"

"Oh, will you both relax? I am the one who has something to get angry over! Oh, dear! It is still on me!" Tracks quickly ran back into the headquarters and pushing a stunned Prowl out of the washracks, hopping in himself for yet another long shower.

"Is everybody on Cybertron like that?"

"Eh, unfortunately …"

"Well, should we wait for him?"

"And keep getting tortured?"

"Well, I agree but …"

"This is Tracks we are talking about! He just jumped into a shower! Those things last entire cycles for him!"

"Hm, well we would be wasting time if we waited for him then."

"Yeah! Exactly! It is so sunny outside and bulkhead is waiting for us there anyway!"

"Eh, all right, let's go!"

"Ha ha!," the tricolor thought, "Little do they know that I have a little something different planned out with a certain someone else!"

He continued to shower, drooling over the wicked, iniquitous fun they would have this night as the shower chemicals banished all dirt and shmuck from his glorious body, lewdly stretching at the scenes running through his processor.

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><p>The night was the perfect time for a number of things. Many of the Cybertronian poets and authors praised the lack of light as a time when matters of felonious and forbidden nature could be carried out with little fear from the acrid gaze of cruel decree and unforgiving command.<p>

The very fact that he was breaking so many laws at the same time made the craving stronger with every passing cycle that Tracks thought about it.

"Oh, how naughty am I?"

"Um" Ratchet happened to overhear, "What?"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize …"

"It's called locking the door …"

"Oh, sorry …"

"And put some armor on for Cybertron's sake."

"Eep! Pervert!"

"Says the naked one …"

"Yeah? Well, um, shut up!"

"Urgh, kids these days. Back in my days people knew how to blush …"

"I can only imagine what you told them."

"Grumble grlumble gurgle shmurgle."

"All right," Tracks raised his fist with determination and fire in his optics, after Ratchet had wandered off again, "In just a few astroseconds everybody will go to recharge so the way will be all clear for me!"

He had everything worked out. If anybody asked why he left, the Autobot would say that he wanted to see if Detroit at night was just as beautiful as they said and was trying to get used to all the pesky, disgusting organics.

"Protoform steps."

He sat on his berth and patiently waited for the last light to turn off, daydreaming about the embargoed escapade he would soon be indulging himself in.

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><p>"How could you have lost it you moron?"<p>

"Waspinator sorry!"

"GO BACK AND GET IT YOU PILE OF BIOLOGICAL WASTE!" Blackarachnia kicked her creation so hard, the green techno-organic flew up in the air a good dozen meters.

"WASPINATOR GO LOOK FOR IT NOW!" Unwilling to incur any more wrath from his creator, he quickly flew away into the distance, rubbing his bruised plating as he went.

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><p>"I have seen some messed up and confusing highways in my days but this is plain out ridiculous!" Tracks had been circling around the town for quite sometime now. "Where is the slagging exit off this architectural atrocity?"<p>

He was getting more desperate by the breem. These organics were unable to built something so astonishingly simple as a way to get off the speedway. Finally deciding to walk by foot to the coordinates secretly given to him by Soundwave, he transformed and hastily proceeded to the location.

"Ah, the oh so praised beach they were talking about," the tricolor looked at the map he held, "Should be around here …"

The car looked at his surroundings, getting discouraged:

"… somewhere …"

"Waspinator look for thingy!"

"Huh? What the frag was that?"

Gazing upon the sky with worry and fear, he saw a dark shape bolting towards the sandy surface before loudly crashing into it:

"Waspinator look for thingy! Waspinator must find thingy!"

"Oh, dear, what the frag is that?" Tracks asked the air with a great deal of disgust in his voice, slowly stepping away, "No sudden movements, no sudden movements …"

"Waspinator hear someone talk," the techno-organic rose to his pedes and began sniffing the air, hectically looking for the source, "Waspinator no like when people spy!"

The Autobot froze in place, hoping that the abomination, whatever it was, would see that there was nobody and just move the slag onto whatever it was doing.

"Waspinator know someone is there!"

"_… frag …_"

"Come out! Waspinator find you!"

"_Ok, just transform and drive away as fast as you can, just transform and drive as fast as you can. On 5_."

"Waspinator think it's this way." The scary being turned it's head in the general direction of Tracks.

"_… one …_"

"WASPINATOR FIND SPY!"

"_… FIVE!_"

Tracks never thought that the speed he altered his form and cheesed it out of there was even possible but there he was, doing a 200 kilometers an hour, screaming off the top of his lungs, too afraid to look back.

"HEEEEELP MEEEEE!" Suddenly he felt a powerful set of arms take him from the sides and lift him up in the air, "Wait, WHAT? WHO …"

When Tracks looked up, his liquids froze in the veins, all the pumping halted. The anathema that called itself 'Waspinator' was not only one of the ugliest things the tricolor ever saw in his life but what was even more atrocious, it was touching and scratching his beautiful body that Tracks spent so long preparing for Soundwave!

"LET ME GO YOU OVERGROWN SPACE BARNACLE!"

"Waspinator bring for experiment! Spider lady forgive Waspinator for losing thingy!"

The mech transformed and did all he could to release himself from the grasp of the abomination but it only held the poor car tighter and tighter as it flew off into the darkness of the night.

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><p>"Who the frag is this?"<p>

"Waspinator bring specimen!"

"We don't even have a lab you idiot! Everything was blown up!"

"Waspinator restrain specimen then!"

"You, Dorkinator, will be helping me rebuild!"

"Um, may I …"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"SHUT THE FRAG UP BEFORE I OFFLINE YOU!"

"… but I am too perky and ambrosial to offline!"

"SHUT. THE. FRAG. UP!" Blackarachnia kicked Tracks on the chestplate, leaving a curvaceous, filthy dent.

"GHOOOO!" Thrown back quite some distance away into the bushes, he was unable to breathe for a few good astroseconds. "Ghghghgh…"

"WHAT THE SLAG AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM?" The spider began viciously beating up her creation.

"Specimen!"

"I WILL FRAGGING USE YOU AS A SPECIMEN!"

"WASPINATOR SORRY!"

"YOU ARE USELESS!" The ex-Autobot threw him into the closest tree, breaking it and adjacent growths. She then walked up to the tricolor.

"What do you propose I do with you?"

Tracks, at last regaining his breath, was able to take a closer look at the 'spider lady' that so compellingly abused his chassis.

"You must, ghe, be Blackarachnia?"

"What does it matter to you?"

"Ghe, just, um, wondering."

"Uh-huh. So, what am I supposed to do with you?"

"Let me go?"

"Out of the question."

"But why?"

"You know where we are and that we still function."

"What if I promise not to tell anyone?"

"Grh," she leaned in so close that their noses were almost touching, squinting, "Are you taking me for a fool?"

"No! I swear …"

"You think I am stupid enough to trust a cyber-weasel like you? Huh? HUH?"

"No! Please! Don't hurt me!"

"Stupid pile of slag," she painfully grabbed him by the wrist and dragged the tricolor onto the clearing, "Why are males so useless?"

"Oh, and femobts are any better?"

"QUIET, YOU!"

"The Autobots will know that I disappeared and they will come looking for me. They will find you!"

"Hm, that's a good point you are bringing up."

"But of course! Not only am I gloriously handsome but also …"

"I should cut you up in pieces and shoot a few rounds to make it look like Starscream or Megatron did it."

"… smart …"

"What are you mumbling?"

"… nothing …"

"Grh, useless!" Blackarachnia threw him next to the unconscious Waspinator and kicked the techno-organic in the face plates, "You! Wake up!"

"OW! Waspinator hurt!"

"Was it really that hard to dig around the beach and find that thing?"

"Waspinator sorry!"

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to make it?"

"Waspinator very sorry!"

"_EEEEWWWW! I am all covered in this organic slag! Oh, dear, I think I am going to die here …_"

"I gave you the most simplest task, go get that thing …"

"Inquiry: is this the object?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Soundwave?"

"Inquiry: is this the thing you are looking for?"

Everybody looked where the voice came from and sure as day, they all saw the blue communications officer. In his servos rested some sort of a very large book.

"Wh-give me that!"

"Proposal: Trade object for Tracks."

"_Ah, my knight in the blue somewhat shiny armor …_"

"Ergh," she looked at the drooling Tracks and then back at Soundwave, "You, a Decepticon, want to save an Autobot?"

"Fact: you, an ex-Autobot, fell in love with …"

"Fine! I don't care either way! You can have your stupid plaything back!" The spider forced Tracks onto his feet and carelessly pushed him towards her 'comrade', "Now give me that!"

The blue mech threw the book to Blackarachnia, picked up the car in his both servos and quickly left.

"Ah, my album!," she hugged the item so precious to her and opened it, "I am reunited with you, my dear, dear teal seeker …"

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><p>Epilogue<p>

He loved showers. In fact, the car liked them so much that taking a few or more of them during the day became a normal thing.

Now that Soundwave was personally cleaning him from all the smut, leaves, insects and dirt while their hungry mouths were lustfully devouring each other and his thick spike rubbing in between the tricolor's aft cheeks- poking him in the valve teasingly, eventually slipping into the lubricated hole- Tracks thought that he was finally in heaven.

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><p><strong> Author's Notes:<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**You know, I envy those two, they always end up caring for each other as love intoxicates the air~! Blackarachnia and Slipstream, probably the only yuri couple in all of Transformers universes I know ... but then again, my knowledge is not unlimited so ... ya ...**

**Thanks to C.M.D. for editing and reviewing!**


End file.
